Busy mostly.. raising a 20 month old, surviving my teenagers, being a wife and back in school; all while working full time is quite the juggling act!
I must admit though that I did keep my distance from the blogging world, as I was becoming consumed with the “What If’s” concerning my daughter and the questions that will arise later in her life. I searched every adoptee blog I could to see if I could find just as many happy adoptee’s as I could unhappy adoptee’s. My research only made me more terrified than I already was about it, because even the happy adoptee’s felt some sort of pain from their experience. I decided to save myself from further suffering and just log off for a while until I was able to get my head around it all.
Update: I’ve not got my head around it all, but am also not freaking out either. “whew!”
I received an email the other day, which brought me back to the blogging world. It was a ridiculous chain letter that asks all sorts of questions that people close to you may or may not know about you. I decided that I had a few minutes to spare, so I decided to read it and even considered torturing my own friends by forwarding. The questions were simple.. asking about my middle name, favorite food and such. Then the question came up “How would your friends describe you”. At that moment I remembered an email that I saved from years earlier of the same sort…. except it was an email where your friends were asked to answer the questions about you. In this email my friends described me as “Always happy”, ” Positive” , “A friend you can rely on”, “Strong”, ” Supportive”, “Loving”, “Devoted”, “Loyal”, “Honest”, and “Unselfish”. It got me thinking about life really. I have 4 daughters, 3 of them who are teens and making ridiculous mistakes, 1 who is still a little munchkin at 20 months, I am back in school, doing well in my new career, and I am happily married. If I am all of those things as my friends described, then after 40 years of life, I probably won’t change much. I can handle the harsh truths about adoption, I can be the supportive Mother my child will need when the time comes, and I will continue living my life and loving my friends and family as I always have. It is ok to be scared, it is ok to make mistakes, and in order to understand it fully, I must learn and understand the positive and negative side of adoption.
I recently wrote a paper in school on the effects of adoption. It required at least 3 references, but they could have asked for a million. There is so much information out there with every possible spin on adoption one could think of.
Just a bit from my paper:
“The negatives of adoption exist, but so do the positives. Support groups exist in support of adoption and against it. Many have or will place their child for adoption, and many will not, and in every situation a child is in the middle. A child who’s life journey was decided for him, whose needs were determined and decided, all without his own input. Regardless of how this journey had affected the birth mother, birth parents or adopted Parents. The children of these exchanges will live their lives every day with the effects of their adoption. This is a burden only and Adoptee can explain or clarify.”
The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE said “Adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful”
I don’t know.. I just feel that this quote applies to just about anyone involved in the adoption process.